Aileen

Aileen Luib

That one's, that one's actually a synthetic one.

Aileen

Yeah. So I was kind of like, that one's okay.
So, this is a lambskin one. I'm too scared to kind of bring it around because, you know.

Aileen

It gets scratched so easily, so.

Aileen

It is true! (laughs)

Aileen

I’m Aileen Luib. I started The Baller on a Budget when I was about 24 years old, as a result of having been disappointed in job instability, and job loss and financial insecurity. And I wanted to have a place online where people who are going through the same financial issues could feel like they had a safe haven, and to not feel so much shame, and to just know that there were other people who were going through the same things.

Aileen

I do. I can shop in the kids section. That's how I save money.

Aileen

This one person had said, "I don't even know if you read your emails, but I wanted to share this with you because it was very important to me."

Her and her partner had a lot of debt because she was carried away with spending so much money on luxury goods like bags and shoes. And she had stumbled across my website, and she just got lost in the rabbit hole. And it gave her that moment of self-empowerment where she was finally able to kind of see through the fog and realize that she was trying to allocate her self-worth from material possessions that were not helping not only her, but her husband. And so, she had, you know, been inspired by my blog to sell a lot of her stuff to get her finances in order. And they paid off all their debt. And it was a really touching email that's always sat with me.

Aileen

I mean, for me being like, 28, I probably amassed—I would say probably at least $80,000 in credit card debt for my whole life

Aileen

It's crazy. And, you know—

Aileen

And that's the crazy part, is I don't even know where all that money went. Because I don't have any of those things anymore.

Aileen

I feel like with me, having immigrant parents who came here with just their three children and basically the clothes on their back, you know, we didn't have, I guess, like a generational wealth that people, you know, here have been in America for several generations. So, we basically started with nothing.

And I felt constantly like I was looking at everybody from, I guess trapped in a glass box and watching the world kind of move past me without me being part of it.

And I didn't realize that as a child, that financial situation already had such a huge impact on the way that I looked at the world.

Andrew

I definitely saw her as American, for sure. Saying all these things, like, “Oh, my God, I have so much teen angst,” you know? And I'm like, what is this? Like, what are you, what are you doing?

Andrew

She started to like, have that like, streak of like, blonde hair. I think she would have, like, purple hair. I'm not sure. It just like, progressively gotten like, to where she's wearing all black.

I still make fun of her about that, you know? Like, do you remember that time in high school? Like, what happened to you? Look at you now. You're this like, fashion goddess, like, you know what I mean?

Aileen

And they weren't, they weren't like, little kitten heels. They were at least like, four-inch heels, no platform. So, I was really doing a number on my knees and my ankles.

Aileen

Yeah, everything. But for me, I was like, I will brave through that pain of wearing high heels if it means being respected.
​​And then I always remember wearing, like, a fitted trench coat dress.

Aileen

The reason why I wore heels was because I wanted so badly to be seen.

I just thought that if I could put more symbols of womanhood on me, that I would be accepted in that way. But even the girls that I aspired to be like weren't wearing things like that.

Andrew

She's really good at hiding, right? And I think that's like, masking. But there was like, one time that I knew there was like, a problem.

So, we were at the mall. And then, she was thinking of buying like, these two blouses, right, or two dresses, or whatever. She was saying, "Should I get this?" And I'm like, "No, you shouldn't get it. You've got like, two.” I was gonna like, put it back. I kid you not. She grabbed it and she tried to run. I was like, "What are you doing?" I mean, we laugh about it now.

Andrew

I just think that she just didn't need it at that point, you know, 'cause she had so much, right? Like, why do you need to buy another one? You have so many. You know, look at your closet.

I think she kept buying stuff because she was probably going through stuff that she probably did need—needed to work out, you know.

Aileen

I think as a kid, there was always that like, level of isolation that I felt in elementary school and middle school, but it really manifested into something bigger when we got into high school, because I feel like that's where we started, you know, forming the social circles, the cliques, you know, the—forming your own identity. And it was, it was really hard for me. I dealt with a lot of bullying.

And it just kind of felt like high school was really hard for me to connect with other people.

Aileen

I think I looked it up on Google, because I wasn't sure. I was very sad, very, very, very sad. And I was like, I'm stuck in this sad place. I don't think this is normal. And then, you know, that curious search of Google led me to that rabbit hole. And then I realized that I am pretty depressed. And it was really difficult for me to navigate that alone. I wound up getting the courage to, you know, tell my parents that I was depressed,

and there was almost this disbelief, of, you know, mental health actually being a necessity.

But they did take me to a therapist. But we didn't really talk about it after that. So, it was me just working with a therapist.

Aileen

I don't feel worthy of just receiving things just to receive them. I always have to earn everything. And in order to earn it, I have to work as hard as I humanly can.

Aileen

We're always told to do well in school, go to college, and then get your degree, and then just pursue a job with that degree. And for me, while that sounded like such a, you know, guaranteed route, it just wasn't for me. And also, because I think a big part of that was because my dad was a nurse. He was literally never home. When I was home, he was sleeping. And then as soon as he woke up, he just got ready for work. And he left. And he did that until he retired. And that's difficult.

And, you know, my parents, you know, were always saying, "Well, he works graveyard and overtime because he needs the money." And I was thinking to myself, what is the point of getting a degree if you're going to work this hard still, and my dad, you know, he loved us enough to make that sacrifice. But for me, I just felt like you brought us to America, because you wanted to give us more opportunities and more, you know, more of a chance to pursue what we want to do in life. So, why would I repeat the same footsteps?

Aileen

Well,
• I worked at the movie theater.
• And then I also worked at a car dealership, where I first was on the sales floor selling cars,
• and then I moved into the service department, which was difficult for me, because as a woman, no male customer ever took me seriously.
• And then I also worked at a spa, because I did go to school to become an aesthetician.
• And then I worked at a hotel at the front lobby.

Wow, what else did I do? I'm pretty sure there's like, more there.

Aileen

Oh, I was in real estate. I think that was the most recent thing for me, where I was very serious of, you know, pursuing this, and I wanted to be a realtor in LA and, you know, get that commission, the fat commission. And just being in that environment was so mentally and emotionally draining for me, because there was so much of this, this idea where you had to look a certain way, you had to drive a certain car, you had to look the image of success. And to me, it felt like, falsified. And it was putting me in this place where now I'm trying to become a person that I'm not again.

Aileen

I hated working for other people. There were no growth opportunities when I was working for somebody else who just wanted me to do this one tiny job. And I felt like I can't even attempt to shatter a glass ceiling because I'm nowhere in proximity to a ceiling, period. I'm so low to the bottom that I might as well just kind of take that risk and work for myself, because at least I can constantly shatter glass ceilings if I'm the one who creates them.

Aileen

I just kind of shut down and, you know, calmly told my cohort to, you know, take it from there. I went home. And then I got a pretty terrible email from, you know, my boss, saying, "Why did you do that?" And to that response, I just sent my letter of resignation in. And I didn't give it two weeks. I just basically said, "Goodbye. I can't handle this."

Aileen

I was not even respected as a human being. So, why would I issue them the respect of going in and issuing my two weeks? And so, with all of that built up frustration from losing my job, losing another job, and then being disrespected at my final lifeline,

I kind of had to take a step back and really ask myself, what am I working for?

Aileen

To this day, this is the first time—you guys are getting the exclusive scoop.

I was a realtor for, I think, about two years, and I did not make a single dollar.

Aileen

Right. I wish I was lying. But that's the absolute truth.

Aileen

I'm so much more than, than all of this stuff that I'm being given, and I deserve more. And that was me putting my foot on the ground and saying that, why don't I just start giving myself what I want, that I keep asking from other employers? Why don't I just start that for myself?

And so, that was the inspiration of

I was essentially the muse for it, because I was sharing my life story of constantly navigating through life feeling inadequate, not only from a financial place, but the fact that my finances were parallel to my self-worth and the way that the world perceived me. And I constantly felt like there were so many reminders, very brutal reminders, telling me that I was worth nothing, because I wasn't a millionaire, because I didn't go to school to be a nurse, because I didn't do anything the traditional route. Because I just wanted to follow my heart. I wanted to pursue happiness. I wanted to be a creative soul. And I just—for the first time in my life, I stood up for myself in that way where I just decided to give myself the gift of that freedom and just start my own business.

Aileen

My business is my baby. And it's also an extension of me and my personality. You saw me in my early 20s, where fashion was a priority. And you're seeing me now lean into my 30s, where building a home and, you know,

fully stepping into adulthood is moreof a priority.

This job has given me the, the freedom of discovering myself and finding the fragments of me that I felt like I lost through the journey of life so far. I've come to collect all those pieces of me that I lost and just kind of put them back into place.

Aileen

Like, the thing about separation is that people go through this every single day. Like, there's always someone who's going through it, and I had a lot of people who, you know, sent me messages saying that they've been going through the same thing, um, similar things, or even worse.

Aileen

We don't talk about that whole financial aspect of separation that can be so hard. That's like, you know, everybody is so preoccupied with the... in the emotional part of it, but they don't really realize that, like, the whole uprooting, changing your whole entire life, basically, like, picking up your roots and, like, trying to put them somewhere else. Um, and then, also, like, changing, you know, like, your financial lifestyle and everything, that's, like, surrounding context for that, I think nobody really talks about. So, it warranted a conversation.

Aileen

I will, like, admit that it is really hard to stay optimistic during this time, just because, you know, you're- you're still trying to process, like, letting go of something and somebody who's, you know, essentially been part of your life. But, like, the silver lining to it is that, you know, that you don't have... you're not obligated to another person anymore.

Like, the only person that you have to care about is you, so that's like a land of opportunity there.

Like, you have nothing holding you back, essentially. Like, you can go... like, now you have time to go do those things that you wanted to do. Now you have time to focus on your business, now you have time to, you know, work on your job, or whatever it is that you want to work on. And, I think at first, you know, while you're still processing your grief, it's gonna feel hard to, like, want to get out of bed in the morning. To like, find the initiative to go and do all those things that are on your bucket list.

Aileen

• Like, you have nothing holding you back, essentially.
• Like, you can go...
• like, now you have time to go do those things that you wanted to do.
• Now you have time to focus on your business,
• now you have time to, you know, work on your job, or whatever it is that you want to work on.

And, I think at first, you know, while you're still processing your grief, it's gonna feel hard to, like, want to get out of bed in the morning. To like, find the initiative to go and do all those things that are on your bucket list.

Aileen

So, for me, it's not so much of, do I want to be a millionaire, but what do I want to do with the freedom and the money that comes with working for myself?

Because to me, it's not even so much the money that's important, but it's more so the freedom.